Controversial commentary is my middle name, and placating men around me, is the game. I recall, after a particularly violating encounter on crowded public transportation, condemning men, as a singular entity, in a melodramatic monologue to my friend, when out of nowhere, a grandpa playing the devil’s advocate, declared that “not all men are like that!” in a tone almost insinuating that I had to apologise to him, a “man who isn’t like that”, or so he claims.

Allow us all to analyse the knee-jerk reactions to generalisations of men, from men, specifically the ones who interpret these sweeping statements as personalised insults attacking the very core of their characters, rather than a valid expression of exasperation towards rampant displays of misogyny, seemingly indoctrinated into every sector of society, and continuously perpetuated by its leading members.

Here’s how it usually goes:

Woman: Throughout my life, I have been hurt by many men, socialised from birth to demand my domestic, emotional, and sexual labour without reciprocation. It’s within reason to expect the remaining men in my life to finally return the favour.

Man: Before you say anything else, I just want to point out that not all men are like that. Most men would never dare to behave in the way you’re describing. Definitely not me. You’re basically implying all men are monsters and NOT ALL MEN ARE.

Newsflash! We know! Not all men are violent, only some. Not all men are abusive, only some. Not all men will disfigure women who reject their romantic proposals, only some. Not all men will embark on killing sprees out of sexual frustration that he lacked experience with women, only some. So yeah, we know that not every man is responsible for the widespread inappropriate treatment of women, especially not YOU, Mr “but I’m not like that”, as you have surely reminded us enough. Do you want a badge for basic human decency? A trophy?

The fundamental idea within this classic rebuttal is that when a woman presents an issue arising from her female identity, commonly occurring at the hands of men, instead of listening to her explanation, men would instinctively defend themselves by pulling out the memorised response from out of their fedoras: “not all men” are like that, do that! Essentially, it’s the argumentative equivalent of “I do not actually care about solving this issue for women, nor did I ever, but since you are challenging me to recognise how the patriarchy protects me while endangering women, I shall interpret it as a personal attack, which is offensive, therefore YOU are the bad person.”

Here’s a tip! Immediately interjecting that it’s “not all men!” into conversations criticising male complicity in plights which predominantly affect women is, in fact, a completely useless contribution. You are not furthering the discussion but dismissing the lived experiences of others, and derailing it to be about your fragile ego.

Obviously, I understand how negative generalisations can offend the demographics it concerns, but there remains a clear dichotomy between demanding men be held accountable for mindlessly condoning the prevalence of harmful contingencies, experienced by women underneath the patriarchy and blatantly bashing every single man for their involvement, unintentional or otherwise, in the patriarchal fraternisation.

Consider this: how many times has your uncle’s distasteful dinner party jokes at the expense of other women has fallen on your own deaf ears? How many times have you rolled your eyes at your neighbour’s obscene comments towards unsuspecting women on the street, but failed to chastise him? How many times have you listened intently to descriptive recounts to the ‘sexual conquests’ of your mate in the gym locker room and even congratulated him afterwards? How many more times are you able to condone the inherently problematic behaviours of men around you while justifying that you yourself aren’t the same as them?

Proclaiming “NOT ALL MEN” into the abyss doesn’t negate the troubling reality that men are statistically sound sources of misogyny. Alternatively, drop the defensive attitude, and start listening to the difficult, but necessary dialogue regarding phenomenons where women are disproportionately victimised. Focusing all your energy on distancing yourself from the narrative directs the attention from establishing a requisite remedy to the issue at hand. Re-evaluate your position. Is it really worth prioritising your own hurt feelings over female lives in potential jeopardy?

Men have the power to alleviate the suffering of women, by being proactive in eliminating toxic behaviourisms learnt from the patriarchy, speaking out against male counterparts exhibiting similar impropriety, and throwing the derailment tactic of “NOT ALL MEN” into the trash, where it rightfully belongs.

​

Dear My Beautiful Rainbow Siblings,​

I am also rainbow… just like you.

I know what it is like to feel confused by your sexuality, and even question about it. Asking yourself whether you are still “normal” or  it is a “sin”?

I know how stressful it is to be accused by our parents for being “too western” due to your sexuality.

I truly to understand how painful it is to be shunned, shamed, abused, hit or even disowned by your parents just because of your sexuality.  

I can truly relate to how traumatising it is to be blamed or punished by our loved ones at home for the claim of your religion.

I know what it is like to feel like as if you were born “different” from other people.

I know what it is like that you have to “police” what you wear and act in order to conform with the “mainstream” gender norms, because you are afraid of your parents might shame or hit you... It’s frustrating.

I understand what it is like to feel lonely and isolated from your family, parents, friends, loved ones and community, as if you are alone in this world.

But, I’m writing this (open) letter to say you are NEVER ALONE.

You are the MOST BEAUTIFUL and BRAVE person on earth; the one who is being true to himself/herself and themselves despite what society says.

Yes, this might be the hardest time of your life, especially with your parents and family members. Some of you might have really supportive and accepting families, and that would be such a relief! For many of you, you might be struggling with how your families, religious or cultural community view sexuality and gender. But there is a community of us around you that can support you, that be your chosen family.

You are just the BRAVEST, GREATEST and most BEAUTIFUL person in just the way you are. These challenges will there but we can be there for each other and we are in this together.

Never give up. Never ever give up. Don’t forget to love yourself.   

You don’t need to “come out” and “fight against” your parents and others in order to demand for the acceptance from them. It could be risky.  Instead, love and accept your “beautiful rainbow” self.

Remember, you’re just like the “rainbow”, shining through the dark sky of grief.    

That’s why we call ourselves “rainbow”, because we are resilient and beautiful beings.

Keep Smiling  =)

Love from your Rainbow Big Sister,
Bloom

For additional mental and cultural supports for LGBT migrant youth:
1.   Shakti (if you Asian, Middle Eastern of African and are experiencing family violence, call 0800 SHAKTI)
2.   Rainbow Youth, a charity  a charity which provides advocacy and social supports for LGBT youth.
3.   EquAsian (social support group for Asians)
4.   OutLine (0800 OUTLINE: telephone counselling)

Draw a picture for the Asian Girl to Be among
Other portraits of the Others that don’t look wrong
To collective eyes that seek where we belong

We’re all made to be the Asian Girl™ at a point, space or headspace in time. That perspective never stemmed from our own eyes. The self-consciousness of alienation experienced by a migrant woman of colour growing up in Aotearoa has always uncomfortably blanketed our psyche, as we looked in the mirror and saw what ‘they’ would assume of us.

When I was 8, I’d listen to pop radio stations all day. I wanted to be a part of the same white girl choruses, melodies, words and world that my Pākehā classmates seemed to live in. This world was a place of comfort in being, where they could just be the default ‘girl’ instead of being a “_*ethnicity here*_ girl’. A sense of hyper awareness rose in my subconscious- dooming me to a future of shyness, aka unnecessary humility and silence, aka regrets of the words I wish I’d said to defend myself, affirm myself, accept myself and allow myself. Thus begins our formative years in search and struggle for the validation of being heard and visible- as a ‘token’, rejection and rebellion against their culture then our culture and a further couple years in undoing the internalised racism and sexism along the way.

I never heard a Korean (other than PSY) or any other East Asian artist on New Zealand radio stations or saw anyone looking like me on the TV screen unless they were blended into the background or only had one dimension. Our colours were absent on the sparse canvas of diversity and as a result I felt absent from opportunities to ever make and perform my own music. The vast majority of people I ever saw perform their music with a confidence that expected attention- were Pākehā and boys. Compared to the privilege of their presence, my music seemed too personal and quiet to present my voice and my words. But I came to learn that It’s unhealthy to bite your tongue in such a way that the words you hold in sprout as failed crops, withering from a lack of allowance from those around you who do not accept nor try to see the wholeness of your being.

We are Asian girls and our identities and cultures don’t have a trademark. Our own essence and experiences shouldn’t be covered by self-consciousness, but expressed in awareness and allowance. The art you make is therapeutic, validating, empowering and highly communicative in speaking your truth. In the art we allow ourselves to create and put out there are the movements of expression that links our perceived experiences, identities, culture and language as multifaceted and creatively unique women of colour to that of our sisters, mothers, aunties and grandmothers.  

We can create what we want to, all by ourselves. The independent age of ‘bedroom artists’ allows us to hold total authority over the art we can make. Whether you write poems in your notebook, produce music using cracked programmes to upload to soundcloud or post your art to instagram, feel a very rightful and deserved pride in your work.

​By Yery Cho

You can check out Yery's band Imugi 이무기's Vacasian EP on their Soundcloud. 

The best way to stop all this is to stand up for yourself by freeing yourself from the prison of fear. 

Use DNA for that. 

Now by DNA I don't mean deoxyribonucleic acid. 

By DNA I mean Decide Now and Act. 

Free yourself from the slavery of fear and raise your voices.

By keeping respect to time, in my conclusion our respected elders please guide us with your light of knowledge and experiences so that we can fully finish all sorts of violence and discrimination in our community and my dear friends don ́t expect that someone else will help you with your problems if you don't stand up for yourself.

“YOUTH ARE SEEDS OF LIFE YOU CANNOT GET YOUR FRUITS OR YOUR ROOTS WITHOUT THE NOURISHMENT OF THE SEEDS.”

-- This piece was written and presented by Siddhi ​at the 2017 Youth March in Auckland.

This beautiful poem was written and performed by Gurpreet at the 2017 Youth March.

First of all, I would like to thank all the people who came to this march for Youth Week. To begin with, New Zealand is a multicultural nation. 19% of people living in Auckland are Asian. They came to New Zealand since it is known as the country that accepts difference. I came here for the same reason.

I imagined about New Zealand before I came here. The nation where all people have equal lives. The nation where everyone communicates with each other with no difficulties. Helping each other when needed. No ignorance. Happier life-style.

However, the reality was different. There was lots of discrimination happening. Discrimination happens when people are not treated equally. So why do people treat others differently? I think the biggest reason is the difference.​

- This speech was written and presented by June at Youth March 2017. A copy of this speech, and the others presented at the march, can be purchased in the first issue of S.Y.N.C. zine.