I have always hated the way I was treated differently for been born a girl. I am a 19-year-old Sri Lankan girl. My family moved to New Zealand 7 years ago, and coming from a South-Asian background I was always told how a girl should behave. Recently, after attending a family violence awareness training seminar with Shakti, when I was at a family friend’s house, my father and an uncle started discussing how Sri Lanka family dynamic teaches children respect, and I thought this was the day I can change their mind about gender inequality. My father and the uncle talked about how in Sri Lanka, if we see a family walking down the road, head of the family, the father, walks a bit to the front of the rest of the family. They talked about how this is a sign of protection and that the man is leading and protecting his wife and kids. At meal times, the father or the grandfather gets food first because the wife respect the husband for providing for her. I do not see this as a sign of respect but authority and dominance men hold over women. Respect is not a one-way street, men and women both should respect each other and aimed be equal partners in a relationship. We also do not live in the 80s or 90s anymore. Most women work to support their family due to economic circumstances, which means the so called ‘family dynamic’ has changed. Women should not be obligated to do house work by themselves. Nowadays, men and women both have 9am to 5pm jobs. When they return from work, both partners should take responsibilities and help each other with work around the house. Ever since I was little, I challenged my mother when she told me I should do certain things because I am a girl. I don’t mind helping my parents or doing a little housework but I am against the fact I should do these things because I am a girl. This bothers me more because I have an older brother who gets no responsibilities around the house just for been born a guy. I was told from a younger age how I should dress, sit, or talk if I ever wanted to get married. Now that we live in New Zealand, for many situations my mother argues, “We are Sri Lankans. Just because we live in NZ, don’t forget about how we do things in our culture”. Normally it is a good thing to hold on to the culture of the country we are from but it is not a valid reason to discriminate based on gender. It is time to change the traditional family dynamic that forces gender labels. How girls should dress is something that often comes up in our culture. We are told to cover ourselves to stay protected. I tried to explain this to the uncle I was talking to, that girls don’t get sexually assaulted because of what they wear, and if that was the case western countries like New Zealand would have higher rate of rape than a country like Sri Lanka. Instead of telling girls to cover themselves and feel ashamed show their body, why aren’t we teaching boys to treat women with respect? The uncle responded by saying “why would you want to be vulnerable like that?” Women shouldn’t have to feel vulnerable and exposed when they wear comfortable clothes. I have always challenged my parents when they tell me to be a “girl” and I will continue to do so. Even though my parents are set on their ways and not likely to change, I won’t keep quiet and accept. I am grateful for everything they have done for me, especially bringing me to a country that opened my eyes and can raise my voice to challenge these views of inequalities.
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When people ask me what I do in my spare time I tell them that I volunteer for an organisation called Shakti. I also tell them that Shakti provides services and support for Asian, Middle Eastern and African women and their children who have survived domestic violence. This is usually followed by the comment, “But anyone can go through domestic violence.” That is true. I usually go on to explain that, yes, anyone can experience domestic violence, but how many shelter and refuges cater towards the culturally specific needs of migrant and refugee women? To which they respond, “All of them, of course.” These responses are common and it tells us that many people believe that a one-size fits all approach is adequate when helping migrant and refugee women and their children from Middle Eastern, African and Asian backgrounds who have escaped or are wishing to leave their abuser in a domestic violence situation in Aotearoa. However, the current mainstream refuges are based off a bicultural model, even though Aotearoa is a multicultural country. The one-size fits all approach ignores the different stigmas, values, lifestyles and modes of support and communication that exist in migrant and refugee communities. This is clearly an attitude that was echoed by the Ministry of Social Development when they declined funding for Shakti Wellington Refuge this year, despite the needs analysis that indicated the demand for culturally appropriate services. There needs to be a Shakti refuge based in Wellington that not only services the Wellington population, but the greater Wellington region including Hutt Valley and New Plymouth. In the 2013 census, 11.4% (33,036) respondents in Wellington identified as being Asian, Middle Eastern, African or Latin American. With such a large migrant population in Wellington, we need a refuge that provides support and advocacy for women who don’t fit under the biculturalism model that is currently in place in mainstream refuges. This need is evident from the fact that Shakti Wellington Refuge serviced over 350 women last year, with over 200 referrals coming from the Police. These services are not only inappropriate because they do not understand the cultural needs and backgrounds of many migrant and refugee women, but because of stigmas within our own communities. We grow up hearing our parents, our friends, and people in New Zealand’s migrant and refugee communities say things like: “You may be in New Zealand but you shouldn’t follow New Zealand culture.” “In our culture, that is not how we do things.” “Divorce is a Western concept, it is unacceptable in our culture.” “It is shameful to leave your husband.” With these kinds of messages persisting in our communities, it makes leaving an abusive relationship an even more daunting task than it already is. There are already so many barriers to stop women from reaching out for help. Racial discrimination and ignorance from New Zealanders is coupled with the potential of facing backlash from your own communities. Finding support shouldn’t be another hurdle for migrant and refugee women to struggle over. Wellington and its greater region needs a refuge that provides culturally appropriate life-saving services for women in need. Shakti Wellington Refuge provides something that can genuinely help achieve this. Without the refuge in Wellington, the nearest option for women seeking help would be in Shakti refuge in Tauranga, which would be a six hour drive away. If Shakti Wellington Refuge continues to be under-resourced, it means that they cannot provide the support and advocacy to the migrant women who need it. Of course, the problems won’t end if Shakti Wellington Refuge receives funding. We still have a long way to go in dismantling the racism that prevented the funding in the first place, and in ending gender-based violence so that there isn’t such a high demand for shelters and refuges. But it is a necessary step in the right direction. You can find out more about how you can support this campaign by liking our page on Facebook, and signing our petition here.
Dear all,
With a crooked grimace I will probably have told you at some point about the relationship i had with a white man twelve years my senior when i was 18, such a disclosure of an experience serving to exemplify much of what’s wrong with white supremacist patriarchy. But I leave out the part about how Koreans responded to this, particularly Korean men who, with scathing eyes and tongues, have the tendency to construe my involvement with white men as the unequivocal proof of my apparent self-loathing, while they endow my brother with words of praise for his popularity with white women who sit at the top of the sexual hierarchy. It’s laughable to see that men of colour actually have the gall to engage in the hilariously ignorant presupposition of their own exemption from perpetuating misogyny. Men of colour, who, under the guise of attacking white supremacy, shame and vilify women of colour who don’t appease their pathetic male entitlement. Trauma for me has come from men of colour too, so the perpetual doubt with which I look on at men is not limited to the white ones. In the struggle against oppression, men of colour do need to be reminded that they are indeed still men. I am also disheartened by the Korean immigrant families who eagerly approach my North Shore property owning parents, who, to the newly migrated, signify a repository of immigrant tips and pointers with which they hope to find out which schools and neighbourhoods are the good schools and neighourhoods, which we all know is thinly veiled language for less brown. They eagerly seek these answers, asking my parents all of this over the dinner we eat on stolen land. A reminder that white supremacy does not need solely white bodies to continue to rear its ugly head. The fragmentation of our communities and the challenging fight to work for our own safe spaces points to how much racism and patriarchy undermines us and wants to keep it that way. It’s hard to support each other when the support we receive from outside of our communities can be as fleeting as the brief appearances of politicians who pay lip service without action at our events, scurrying away after an amount of time they’ve deemed acceptable has passed, while we hope for the day they’ll be as invested in our issues as they are in their visibility. Structural racism and sexism becomes underscored by the violence of capitalism’s emphasis on money as the ultimate value form, rendering our groups vulnerable and our services dry of funds which institutions are happy to starve us of. How can we support ourselves and each other within our communities when the capacity for it is forced to be contingent upon the support from the outside which we are not always getting? I want to remind my friends of colour that we have a lot to address ourselves if we really want to mobilise in our common goal of abolishing white supremacist patriarchy. When all we have in common is not being white men, a commonality situated in a negative space in relation to what we are not, that is fragile grounds for a coherent mode of collectivity. Amidst the array of colours that we are, there is great multiplicity of conditions and being which must be respected which we are not doing all the time. For people outside of our communities, I still believe in solidarity and hope for the numbers to build day by day, as more and more people realise the ugly web that is oppression in all its forms. Connected and entangled and bound up in what seems like a destructive but indestructible mess, but one we all want to destroy. For nobody is free until everybody is free. For all my fellow comrades who will commit to living for the struggle, for whom the emancipation of the marginalised is of paramount importance, I stand with you and implore you all to engage in constant self-reflection as will I, as we work to build inclusive collective solidarity that will fly in the face of the white supremacist patriarchy that is both fragile and pathetic, weakening with every break in which we are those ruptures. Love Rachel Last Friday, Shakti and partner organisations hosted an event to mark International Women's Day at Mt Albert War Memorial Hall. It was a lively event, with a shared brunch, speeches, panel discussions amongst researchers and politicians and the launch of “Break Free,” a handbook for migrant and refugee youth experiencing family violence.
The resource, which is the first of its kind, provides practical information on topics such as housing, jobs, study, relationships and immigration to help migrant and refugee youth navigate through the challenges in life after breaking free from family violence. The handbook covers culturally specific examples of unacceptable behaviours and practices so that youth can recognise the signs of an abusive relationship. It also includes personal anecdotes and supportive messages shared by migrant and refugee youth. “There is a clear lack of support and culturally specific resources available for migrant and refugee youth who try to rebuild their lives after experiencing family violence in Aotearoa/ New Zealand. We hope this resource will provide practical knowledge as well as support,” said Mengzhu, who presented the handbook with a speech at the launch. “Even though we specifically focus on the experiences of migrant and refugee youth, there is no doubt that family violence happens across cultures. However, there are specific experiences, issues and practices that need attention in immigrant communities, such as intergenerational cultural conflicts, forced marriage, and what has been called ‘honour-based’ violence. This handbook covers in more detail what this looks like,” continued Mengzhu. The handbook is available for purchase through Shakti here, and it is free for young people who access Shakti’s services. Mainstream feminism overlooks issues faced by women who are also affected by their race, wealth, sexuality and disabilities. This leads to the exclusion of women from marginalised backgrounds from feminist spaces, discussions and strategies. Emma Watson, Taylor Swift, Tina Fey. These names are well-known amongst young feminists today. When they discuss feminism, they talk about fighting for equal rights for women, for more representation in media for women and to get rid of the wage gap. What they neglect to mention is how these issues, and more broadly, sexism, affect different women differently. Mainstream feminism overlooks issues faced by women who are also affected by their race, wealth, sexuality and disabilities. This leads to the exclusion of women from marginalised backgrounds from feminist spaces, discussions and strategies. In response to mainstream feminism, black feminists in the United States wrote about how for black women, racism and sexism did not operate separately, rather they reinforce one another. The term intersectionality was then coined in 1989 by Kimberlé Crenshaw to describe this theory. Although intersectionality began as framework for understanding how womanhood could be racialised for black women, this theory has been useful for understanding how oppression affects women differently, based on the various facets of their identity. In Aotearoa New Zealand, statistics reveal that 1 in 3 women experience physical and/or sexual violence from a partner in their lifetime and that disabled women are twice as likely to be victims of violence compared to other women. These statistics highlight that domestic violence is a gendered issue, however, it is clearly more complicated than that. These socially constructed categories of women, and the category of women itself, exist to undermine and disempower women in different ways and are all embedded in capitalism. In order to address the higher rates of violence experienced by disabled women it is imperative that we look into how ableism and sexism reinforce one another, and how these oppressions can be further complicated when disability intersects with gender, race, sexuality and class. Our current mainstream systems for victims of domestic violence cater primarily towards Pākehā women, with very limited resources and in turn, support for indigenous women, migrant women of colour, LGBTQI women, disabled women and economically disadvantaged women. This can be seen with the recent Ministry of Social Development decision to decline funding to Shakti Wellington Refuge. This can lead to marginalised groups receiving support that is either inadequate or leads to further violence. Intersectional feminism is a useful lens to analyse the oppressions that affect marginalised groups and it is a powerful tool when used in conjunction with other theories. Mainstream feminism as it stands is not intersectional, but it does need to be. Intersectionality is crucial to create solidarity and understanding amongst us so that we can better support each other as we try to dismantle the oppressive capitalist patriarchal systems around us. As a wise woman once wrote, “My feminism will be intersectional or it will be bullshit!” By Jasmin Singh As a new migrant into this country, there is no handbook on living in Aotearoa/ New Zealand. Learning the history of the country while also trying to fit in, make friends, study, work etc. seems overwhelming but it does play an important role for migrants. Waitangi day according to many of us is the day that the Treaty of Waitangi was signed and another public holiday that falls during the summer months. However, it’s important to learn about the treaty and all that occurred after its signing to understand our current context as migrants living on colonised land. It’s embarrassing to admit, but after over 5 years of living in Aotearoa/ New Zealand, 2 weeks ago was the first time I learnt about the Treaty of Waitangi in any depth. I had heard about the Treaty through my university study but it was more like a 2 point summary of what we needed to know. Point one being that Māori were not given the rights they were promised and the second point that due to the flaws of translation Pākehā assumed they now had rights to all the land, whereas Māori were under the impression that they were still sovereign and Pākehā would govern among themselves. The way that I learnt about the Treaty recently though was a far more comprehensive, although brief overview of the 150 year or so timeline from the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi to present day. More importantly it focused on not just what had occurred since the signing of the Treaty, but also Māori responses and how we as immigrants fit into this timeline. The xenophobic and racist sentiments of colonisers were clear from the outset. Non-European migrants were considered undesirable and continue to be seen as such regardless of the fact that White migrants made up and still make up a bigger proportion of immigrants coming into the country. In this same vein to continue the colonising mission Māori are often depicted as one of many ethnic minorities to downplay indigenous rights with the common misconception being that Māori are receiving special privileges when they demand them. The guise of a multicultural New Zealand is used to justify denying Māori their rights as tangata whenua. From the first few weeks being in Aotearoa/New Zealand to present day I consistently hear stories and opinions that seem to place migrants in opposition to Māori. As if it has to be one versus another. This is a harmful way to shape the relationships between our communities as opposed to seeing the similarities, we are often forced to see the differences and encouraged to compete. To challenge the systems of power that control our lives we need to all work together as opposed to absorbing the hateful messages used to encourage competition among us while keeping the status quo in place. It’s crucial to understand the history of colonisation and its role in the continuing racism faced by not only immigrants but Māori as well, and how racism is very closely linked to colonisation and the relationships of power that colonisation has created across the world. It is important to recognise that as immigrants we are also complicit in colonisation as we have come to live here in most cases without the consent of Māori. Many of us come from countries that have been colonised so we can understand, empathise, work together with and support Māori to reach better solutions to our social problems rather than the ones we are currently provided with. We need to ignore the divisive messages we are bombarded with and stand in solidarity with Māori. Liberation for migrants from racism, sexism, violence and oppression comes from decolonisation and liberation of tangata whenua from colonial powers. To mark White Ribbon month, Shakti Family Centre held a half day conference on “creating safer, healthier and violence free communities,” with guest speakers, workshops on family violence, Asian and Middle Eastern cultural stalls, a presentation from Papatoetoe High School students and an exciting preview of a resource by Shakti Youth that will be launched early next year.
Mayor Phil Goff, MP Louisa Wall, University of Auckland Sociology lecturer David Mayeda as well as some members of the local police force and Puketapapa Board spoke at the conference. They all discussed the issue of domestic violence in Asian, Middle Eastern and African communities in Aotearoa and proposed ways to create safer communities. Many of the speakers emphasised that “culture is not an excuse,” as well as advocated for more participation from men to actively stand up against family violence and violence towards women in general. Dr. David Mayeda concluded his speech: “If we agree that we live in a patriarchal society, or that men hold more power in society, if that’s the case, then it is men who need to be stepping up, speaking out publicly against men’s violence against women and girls. Then in our ethnic communities, we have to find ways to talk about stopping honour-based violence. So I challenged all the men in this room to take up that role.” Following the guest speakers, Shakti Youth presented a preview of an upcoming resource for migrant and refugee youth who have experienced family violence. The handbook, titled “Break Free,” is a resource designed to equip youth, who are experiencing or have broken free from family violence, with practical information on housing, immigration, work, governmental support, healthcare and more. There is also a helpful guide on the different forms of abuse so that youth can recognise where it stops being a family conflict and where it crosses over to abuse. For example, emotional abuse and guilt-tripping can sound like this: “I am not getting good grades at school and my parents keep telling me that I am useless and need to do better, but this pressure is too much. They keep comparing me to my cousins and keep telling me how much they have sacrificed for me to be here and to have this education.” The handbook features personal stories of family violence shared by ex-clients of Shakti, with short anecdotes written by volunteers scattered throughout the resource. We hope that the practical information on New Zealand’s bureaucratic procedures and the personal stories will inspire and equip migrant and refugee youth with knowledge and hope in order to break free from family violence. “But just the thought of leaving an abusive house gives you the strength to get through anything. The possibilities in the future are endless. You gain autonomy.” - Mehwish Photo credit to Natalee Tan Yee Wei. For Youth Week 2016, we partnered with Ara Taiohi to focus on the voices and issues of migrant youth in Aotearoa. We produced a series of posters and a short video, as well as organised an evening of performances and speeches to celebrate the achievements of young volunteers from Asian, Middle Eastern and African backgrounds to "Recognise and Represent". Report by Denise Yeo (AUT Coms) New Zealand migrant youth of different ethnic backgrounds shared openly about the profound effects of migration on their relationship with their parents at a research symposium held at AUT South Campus. Being vegan in a Samoan family, not being able to speak Korean well, opposition against getting tattoos, and marriage choices, were just some of the conflicting issues panel members experienced within their families. The forum, held in association with Shakti Youth was centred on intergenerational relations and tensions faced by migrant youth and their parents. AUT Professor of Diversity and keynote speaker Edwina Pio explained that intergenerational conflicts between migrant families arise because of the different rates of assimilation. “Youths tend to assimilate faster and their parents feel like they’re left behind and their children are leaving their ethnic culture behind,” she says. Having insight on his parents’ perspectives and experiences was pivotal for panel member Junior Laulala to achieving common ground between him and his parents. He says the key is to have empathy. “The issues don’t get resolved overnight - you must have patience and persistence,” he says. “Forgive and accept the differences. Be understanding of the steep learning curve in a new culture, and approach conversations with love.” Professor Pio also encouraged parents to seek mutual understanding with their children, by considering the bigger picture. “Have compassion. Think about how you can nurture success in your children,” she says. Shakti Youth coordinator Mengzhu Fu thanked AUT for hosting open conversations around intergenerational tensions faced by migrant youth. “Many migrant youths grow up negotiating between two worlds and find it difficult to achieve balance,” she says. “The pressures and expectations placed on them can cause negative effects on mental health - that’s why we need to have a space for these conversations.” AUT South Campus Executive Director Richard Hall says the event was significant to the campus because of its diverse population. “We are the most diverse campus at AUT – many of our students are migrants,” he says. “It is imperative that we understand the issues that impact our students.” Everyday in Syria is like 9/11 all over again... every single day!! This is known to be the worst refugee crisis since WW1. You have to understand that no one puts their children in water unless it’s safer than land! When the oceans and sea is safer than the hard earth that is when you know there really is something wrong.
Imagine having your freedom, your job, your friends, your possessions most likely even your family...everything you ever loved and owned taken from you, just like that. And you were forced to flee, to flee the country you once called home to make a new life a, new beginning in a country so unknown and yet having to find out you’re not accepted. What happened to humanity? These people need help...these people need OUR help. We need to accept more refugees. We are all one nation and together we can make this right for everybody. The population of Syria is 22.85 million people and around 4 million people left Syria since the beginning of this conflict but today a further 8 million people have had to leave Syria and 50% of them been children. Germany says they can take up to 500,000 refugees a year but why were 400 of them forced to convert to another religion just to be accepted?! I’m sure you've heard of Aylan Kurdi, the boy in the red shirt who was washed up on the beach of Turkey. The most heart breaking thing I have ever seen and heard in my life other than Aylan’s picture was what Aylan’s dad said after he lost his wife and two children while trying to save a whole lot of other people from drowning by steering the ship because the captain jumped out. This is what he said when he found out about his child, "I jumped into the water looking for my wife...my children but I didn’t see them, all I saw was water." Barely holding back tears when he was asked what he was gonna do now he replied, "Aylan’s last words were when he was on the phone with his grandpa just before he was gonna aboard the crowded ship he said, ‘Can’t we just take your truck instead, Grandpa? I don’t want to go into the water. I’m scared.’” Aylan’s dad then said, “I have lost everything... there is nothing for me to go back to. All I want to do now is mourn over my family’s graves until my death comes." Now all that remains of his family are memories. He is forever traumatized saying that whenever he touches water or sees oceans and beaches he is reminded of the real life nightmare he went through. I could never in a million years say that I can relate to what Aylan’s dad and his whole family went through, but I can definitely say that we are both humans and refugees. When I was living in Iraq, we faced a lot of difficulties with similar experiences as the Syrians. We were forced to live in camps in the middle of the hot desert with dangerous conditions, but finally we were brought here as refugees, I’ve been living in New Zealand for ten years and I am more than grateful to be in such a beautiful and peaceful country. Nothing could compare to what these Syrians are going through. There are children out there homeless and looking for pieces of breadcrumbs in the dirt to stay alive. There are so many people out there losing loved ones and having to carry on in order to survive. There are dignified men holding their children and begging for food to prevent their children from dying of starvation. What these Syrians are going through is inhumane. I pray for the day when the children of Syria will wake up to the sound of birds chirping and not bombs. I pray for the day when the people of Syria can live in peace and harmony as it once was but most of all, I pray that we as a nation can stand against this and make things right for the Syrians. Aylan Kurdi, you will always be in our hearts and a brave reminder. THANK YOU. |